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Memoirs of a believer.
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Sep. 19th, 2004 @ 06:25 pm Entry 5 - Praying
Sister Eryn Sepia
May we discover through pain and torment,
    the strength to live with grace and compassion.
  May we discover through doubt and  anguish,
the strength to live with dignity and holiness.
                    May we discover t hrough suffering and  fear,
    the strength t o move toward  transformation.
May it  come to pa ss that  we be restored to health a nd to  vigor.

    May She grant us wellness of body, spirit and mind.

                          M ay She    grant us wellness of body, spirit and mind.


May She grant us wel lness of

                            body,      spirit  and

mind.


Can't stop shaking.  Stomach hurts.  So hungry, thirsty.  Still so hot.  I think it's fever.

I'm losing time...passing out sometimes, I think.  Dreams...many dreams.  Sometimes they talk to me...like they're here.  But they're not.  I don't think. 

Scraped away enough...I can see a little bit of the door frame.  It's under all of it.  I need to get out of here before I get too weak. 
Sep. 18th, 2004 @ 03:24 am Entry 4 - Hot
Sister Eryn Sepia
Slept too long.  Hot in here.

[red smudges, perhaps blood, on page]

My room...it shifted when I was asleep.  The door is gone...I couldn't find it, no matter how much I dug in my fingernails.  Flesh walls, huge veins in them, sliding behind membranes...the floor is grating, blackness below.  I don't want my feet to touch it.

...I can't get out. 

It smells like blood.  I don't know what to do...

Buzzing...in here.  Is it in my head?

Bleeding? 

My chest...

[large dark smudges, haphazard ink-trails and a round black ink-blot on page]
Sep. 17th, 2004 @ 04:41 pm Entry 3 - No luck.
Sister Eryn Sepia
Rifled through everything I could find, but didn't find a thing to eat or drink; I tried the faucets in the other quarters just in case, but again the pipes just shuddered loudly.  One room...the room Brother Nathan lived in...was nothing but a gutted floor with a stench like rotted flesh wafting up from the abyss.  I won't be going back in there anytime soon.  This may be a holy manifestation of God's cleansing wrath, but my stomach is already empty enough without risking retching up its own digestive fluids.

I need to find some way to open those locked rooms...I think I'll have more luck taking off the hinges than trying to finagle the locks themselves; I have a nail file in my bathroom which might work ...though breaking through the door is also an option...if I had an axe or something else heavy to throw against it. 

So far, still no signs of life, human or otherwise.  It really looks as if I'm the only one down here.

I have to break through the wing doors somehow!

Feeling really shaky now; don't know if it's hunger or fear.  Probably both. 

I'll light some incense and pray...rest for a little while.  Then I'll go back out, try again.
Sep. 17th, 2004 @ 12:04 pm Entry 2 - Waking again...
Sister Eryn Sepia
I ended up bracing the door with a chair just in case and slept for a while; just woke up.  I don't know what time it is.  I sit here on my bed and listen, but I still don't hear anything...no noises in the rooms next to me, no voices in the hall.  I wish I could look outside, but none of the quarters on this floor have windows.  I wonder what it looks like outside...

...probably impenetrable fog, given the current conditions...but fog would be preferable to this...

I've read much about it in my studies and seen illustrations of it in books in the library...but never before had I seen it with my own eyes until now...the Otherworld..  I was taught about the creatures, the footsoldiers of God, who walk within it.  I was told by my teachers that, since I was a believer, I would have nothing to fear from them...but my heart spasms with dread at the thought of encountering them.  I wonder if the Fathers are here, too...

A part of me always felt that I'd never see it in my lifetime...and now that it's here, I'm frightened.  I shouldn't be, but I am.  I wish there was someone else here, just one other person...

My chest is still hurting from time to time; it feels...bruised inside.  I wonder if I had passed out and hit something on the way down? 

My stomach is growling like crazy...I need to find something to eat and drink.  I think I will check dressers and drawers in the other rooms...not all of them are unlocked, and not all of them are untainted...
Sep. 17th, 2004 @ 06:56 am Entry 1 - Trapped.
Sister Eryn Sepia
I know where I am.  I'm home.  This is the Chapel.  I'm in my room now in the wing where all the dedicants and disciples live, but I woke up out in the hall.  I must have...passed out or something.  I was on my way to...

...oh god, this headache is going to split my head in two.  I just now managed to find some aspirin in the medicine cabinet.  I had to choke it down without water; the pipes groaned when I turned the faucet on.  No electricity, no plumbing.  I'm relying on my candles and lanterns for light. I'm glad I have quite a collection of them, and a few boxes of short tapers stored away in my closet.

I should just...stop writing and go lay down.  I feel so tired...my chest hurts, spikes of  pain every so often.  Sometimes it's hard to breathe.  I must be sick.  Am I dreaming?  Hallucinating?

I see manifestations of what surely must be the Otherworld here, but...it appears only partial. Does this mean Saint Alessa is nearby again? Perhaps she returned...which is both a scary and a comforting thought...the doctrines teach that, when God returns, the Cleansing begins and must be completed before Paradise is granted. Is this what's happening? Is that why everyone is gone? But then...why am I still here? Is this punishment?

My room is unaffected, unlike the hall outside.  Where is everyone?  Why am I alone?  The doors out of this wing are blocked from the other side and the elevator isn't working.  I can't get out.  Something terrible must have happened.

God, so tired.  Sleep now.